


unreasonable

by GARMADON



Category: Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (TV 2016)
Genre: (dirk voice) gay people real?, (todd my friend not todd brotzman), ANYWAY it's cheesy for you todd., I think of 2016 dirk as like the other dirks but naive instead of cynical, M/M, and for 2016 dirk everything changes! :), as in they have the same core detachment, but for 2010/novel dirk it's because nothing stays... :(, but to other people they both just look like they don't care, that can seem both arrogant and alien to people around them, they are in love but dirk doesn't KNOW about that
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-28
Updated: 2019-11-28
Packaged: 2021-02-26 05:00:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,236
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21588016
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GARMADON/pseuds/GARMADON
Summary: Dirk's ready for the next case
Relationships: Todd Brotzman/Dirk Gently
Comments: 2
Kudos: 20





	unreasonable

Dirk sat up, sliding as seamlessly from sleeping to waking as if he had never slept in the first place. Beside him, Todd stirred slightly, although that wasn’t really an indicator he had noticed anything. He was a pretty restless sleeper, as Dirk had quickly realised on his second night waking up cold, the blanket somehow manoeuvred into a kind of boa constrictor death knot around his boyfriend’s _seemingly_ still form. Apparently it had driven girlfriends mad- probably rightfully, but to Dirk it was still, somehow, cute. He called Todd _cute_ all the time, maybe too often, because everything he did was new, and it was Todd, and Dirk loved it all like a little girl getting a new doll on christmas. 

But after christmas day comes another morning; one without presents, where all the gifts are strewn about waiting to be put away and forgotten, the colourful paper hordes of snowmen and candy canes that meant you were loved now torn and crumpled among the trash and you realise in hindsight that yesterday was an hour of glory for another year of silence- but it was christmas, so why think about it? In the dim light of the early morning, Dirk looks at Todd and still can’t think of the reason. Instead, quietly busying himself getting ready for another day like any other (in the past two months, anyway), he thinks about what _tomorrow’s_ getting ready is going to be like. Today- navigating a way out of a death trap queen-size, wading his way through a peanut-shaped pile of clothes that was ostensibly two wardrobes and trying not to end up wearing anything too punk or desperate, tomorrow- perhaps posting bail, pulling a nap in a taxi, even waking up in a boat somewhere. A boat would be _fun_ \- provided he had all his clothes this time, _preferably_ all his memory. Considering the possibility and now on the brekkie part of getting up, he quickly threw together and bagged a couple sandwiches alongside morning toast, his gaze resting on the roll of duct tape on the counter for several moments before half-sighing and shoving them both in his inside jacket pocket. Having to rip the tape off was _not_ worth it, as he knew from experience. 

It was still much too early for any reasonable person to be out, but never let it be said DIrk Gently was _reasonable_ , suddenly feeling impatient, like the street just outside could have some universe in it at ANY MOMENT if only he wasn’t lazing about. Pausing only a moment to crack the kitchen window slightly, he strode out into the odd little entranceway that guarded their little condo, his typical breeziness almost offensive in the dim light of the morning. Locking the door behind him with admitted relish- it wasn’t often he was the one locking things- he picked his way around to the side and wedged his key into the barely open window, managing to push it through onto the counter below while doing his best not to look like a burglar. That settled, it was time to see what exactly the street had meant when it had screamed it was about to be interesting in the middle of a perfectly good breakfast.

**⟠⟠⟠**

Slightly irritated by the distraction, wedged his buzzing phone between his ear and shoulder in the classic manner of busy housewives everywhere, scrambling to grab the shuffleboard cue before it fell on the deck. “Hellooo?”

“ _Dirk?_ Thank god- where _are_ you?” Todd’s worried voice came through immediately, and if Dirk had been paying attention he would have noticed the way Todd sounded- for a second, before remembering this was Dirk- totally relieved just to hear him. 

“Um. A party, I think?” Struggling to balance the phone and get a good shot at the same time, Dirk sent another disc down the board, just before the dead line. “Hah! Bugger.”

“A PARTY- Dirk, _where are you?_ ” Hearing that his boyfriend was not only safe, but probably off his ass at some frat house, Todd dispensed with worry right away and moved straight to the furious girlfriend genre of sudden phone calls.

Indeed moderately off said ass, Dirk squinted at the slightly wavy horizon, trying to determine if the swaying was the world or him. “I’m, like, _80%_ certain this is a boat? You know, I wanted to be on a boat, I said this morning, ’universe, I’d sure like to be on a boat-’”

Todd’s sigh would have immediately sobered a lesser- or even basically self-aware- man and brought him home in a taxi- Dirk at least held the phone in his _hand_ now instead of his collar. “We thought they got you, or you were _dead_ \- I’ve been calling you for _hours_ !” Probably one of the only people out there actually justified in jumping to conclusions like that about a couple missed calls, Todd was _pissed_ , and even more pissed about the fact that Dirk seemed completely unaware that a _fugitive from the government_ suddenly disappearing was cause for concern. 

Having abandoned shuffleboard for the bar some moments ago, Dirk grinned, half at the phone and half at the peanuts being slid across the counter to him. “Aw, you were worried about me? Whatever for?” 

Unfortunately, even if he has been mindful enough to take note of the scuffle that erupted on the other end of the line, or even what was coming out of his own mouth, it wouldn’t have mattered at that point anyway. By the time Farah managed to rescue the phone from Todd, Dirk’s was already out of commission.

**⟠⟠⟠**

Todd collapsed onto a large rock just by the shore, head in his hands and wondering if he should just go home. Listening to the ‘universe’ never really did anyone much good, least of all those who weren’t Dirk. But Dirk was the reason he was here anyway, so maybe the universe accepted him tangentially. Todd was being delivered to its emissary- with the sole purpose of beating the shit out of him. 

.

.

.

Okay, maybe not _just_ that, but it was EXTREMELY high on the list of priorities. Of course, that was _if_ \- 

And _of course_ that was exactly when a blonde-haired figure bobbed into view, dramatically on cue as ever, even passed out floating in a lake. As it got closer, it became clear that, yes, it was Dirk, draped absurdly over a piece of deck titanic-style, somehow asleep, probably concussed, vivid with feather boas caught all around him like seaweed on a drowned statue. Without even noticing, Todd was waist-deep in the water already, wading out to drag Dirk back to shore. Now that he was up close, he noticed smears of blood on Dirk’s hands and face, matting his hair- the concussion was pretty definite now, anyway. 

As Todd got closer, so did Farah, who had been patrolling the shore, looking to see if Dirk had ended up off target somehow (or if Todd had just been wrong). When the deck had been brought to her, she simply lifted Dirk off like a sack of rice, albeit one shedding faux feathers like a molting plastic phoenix. Laying Dirk somewhat roughly on the ground, she launched into some medical thing Todd had never really paid attention to and thought seemed kinda complicated (although in reality she was merely checking if Dirk was dead). Apparently satisfied he was indeed concussed- and by extension alive- Farah returned him to “sack of rice” status and hefted him over her shoulder as easily as a sleeping child, eventually sliding him into the backseat of their car _nearly_ as gently. 

The drive home was fraught, Todd glancing behind him about 17,000 times to make sure Dirk was alive, that nobody was following them, that he was healthy enough to get punched when he woke up, that nobody was following them, that the trails of blood on the seat weren’t too noticeable, that nobody was following them- you know, the usual annoying passenger stuff. Getting home and dumping Dirk in their bed, the relief was palpable. Without an almost-body to actually _look_ at, Todd could let himself get worked back up again, remind himself this wasn’t “poor Dirk” it was “Dirk with a death wish, because if his stupid secret stunts don’t kill him, _I_ will.” 

**⟠⟠⟠**

Stirring on top of the covers it felt he had _just_ extricated himself from an hour ago, sill slightly damp and _still_ , somehow, plastered in fake feathers of all colours, glued to him with the same water and blood that glued his hair to his forehead and his shirt to his chest, all tinged with some extremely hazy memories of a very fun floating party and a _very_ bitter ex-wife, Dirk Gently concluded he had surely had an extremely worthwhile day. Obviously he had solved some delightfully interesting caper, one that would probably get great ratings- you know, if he was on dave or something- _and_ got out in one piece _without_ adding handcuffs to that piece. Strange he was _here_ , though. Perhaps some kindly passer-by had found a scrap of mail in his jacket pocket or something and brought him to Todd’s house, the man unwilling to let him sleep off his concussion in an alleyway. The universe worked in strange ways, but fortunately for all involved, sometimes those ways included a shower.

Picking his way across the room once again, Dirk caught sight of Todd in the kitchen and made a beeline to him. The second he opened his mouth, however, he was immediately cut off, Todd reacting to his sudden presence like a guard in a video game. 

" **_Dirk!_ **" Okay, Todd’s angry about… something. It's not like it was Dirk's idea to come here, unless it was and he forgot? But he didn't have the key anyway so- 

Todd was gripping him by the arms now, a midline between hugging him and hitting him, going on about "risks" and "communication" and "drowning". Todd pausing for some kind of response, Dirk seized his chance. "Right, you're clearly upset with me, so I'll skip the cleanup and just get going, okay?" 

Todd stares at him with a look he’s never seen before, one he can’t understand at all. “Get g- Get going _where_ , Dirk?” 

He’s still looking at him with those eyes that make no sense and Dirk is starting to get a little nervous. Anyway, Todd should _know_ how he works right now, “Wherever I’m supposed to go, as usual, of course.” His gaze is now so thickly incomprehensible Dirk wonders what he missed, if he stole his wallet or works for the government or something. They were obviously talking about different things, and that normally meant he owed someone money and/or they were going to kill him. 

Todd, for his part, was feeling about the same. Why did every conversation with Dirk have to be so _hard?_ “Dirk, if you get a case, you _tell us_ , you wake me up or you call Farah, you don’t just disappear and almost _blow up!_ ” 

“I’m sure you two have enough on your plates as it is,” Dirk says placatingly, a nervous smile almost giving away his plan to appease Todd enough to escape without actually finding out whatever he was talking about, which was more confusing than ever but still might be about money and therefore something to avoid. “If I could just get out of your hair-”

“Ugh- Dirk, this is your _house_ , you don’t have to _leave,_ just try and actually listen to me for once.”

That stopped him. _His_ house? Sure, he had a key, but it’s not like… Not like what? Like he lived here? He had a toothbrush, for god’s sake. But surely he was just taking advantage of being able to settle down a moment before moving on? Trying all those house things while Todd was letting him stay in… _His_ house? “I- I appreciate you letting me stay here and all but I need to-” 

“ _That’s_ what you- Dirk…” Todd has a _different_ strange expression now, and it makes Dirk want to set himself on fire, kill him maybe ( _and for some reason that seems worse than burning alive…_ ), “I know you haven’t really, uh, stayed put before, but it’s different now."

"It's different for a while, and then the universe brings me to do something else." Dirk almost sighs. It was such a simple concept, and he found himself explaining it what felt like every day.

Todd was actually surprised Dirk hadn't noticed by now. "That's what I'm _saying_ , Dirk! Did you not _notice_ that I just found you, randomly, with no clues, at exactly the right time and place despite having no idea where you were? Have you not **_seen_ ** how many times I tried to get rid of you and the 'universe' wouldn't let me?"

“I…” Out of everything he could have said, Dirk certainly hadn’t expected _that._ “It’s never taken me back to anything- or anyone- that’s not a case before. But we keep coming together again and again for no _reason-_ ”

It stung, obviously, but being a critical moment Todd let it slide, reminding himself Dirk didn’t know why it would. Having let go of him long ago, Todd brought his hand back up, to Dirk’s face, catching that rare expression of _actual_ vulnerability both literally and figuratively, “Dirk. Being together _is_ the reason.”

**Author's Note:**

> Farah in their living room: Oh my god I hate you both


End file.
